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What did you do at camp today?

If you're tired of hearing the answer "nothing," here's the secret to getting the most out of a conversation with your kid about their day at camp!

But first - wait until they have had some time to unwind.  If they want to talk, great!  LOTS of things happen over a full day at camp - usually it's the most recent things that stick in their minds.  Often, those things will be positive, but sometimes at the end of a really good day there might be a brief challenge or difficult situation, and that's what they need to talk about and work through in that moment.  Talk about the difficult stuff with them of course, but after they've had their chance to decompress about those challenges, here's how to get the rest of the story...  

Roses, Thorns, and Buds.  
At the end of each day at camp, just before pickup, counselors gather the kids for the second adult-led activity of the day (the first being the morning introduction and planning meeting).  Roses, Thorns, and Buds is a recap that gives every camper a chance to reflect on their day.  We do this for two reasons - 1. It helps us assess how things are going for each child, and 2. it helps plan for the next day.  

Question 1 - What was your rose?  
Your rose is the best part of your day or the thing that you enjoyed the most.  
Children tend to remember the most recent thing that happened, so asking when the rose happened is a good way to get them to think about the other good stuff they experienced.  Counselors rarely hear about the exciting things the kids did earlier in the day, so when it's the counselor's turn they'll remind the kids of that really cool toad they saw under a log this morning, the fort they built, or the game they saw the kids make up together.  If you wait until dinner time, or even ask more than once with an hour or two between each time, you might be surprised at the new things your child recalls.  

Question 2 - What was your thorn? 
Your thorn is the thing that was most challenging or difficult for you.  
It is very rare that a thorn isn't overcome, and it's really REALLY important to talk with your camper about how they feel about their thorns- this is the stuff of personal growth.  Listen with care, and when you offer advice, do it with open-ended questioning - "How did that make you feel?"  "What did you do next?"  What could you have done differently?"  ...look for the positive in how they responded to the problem.  If someone bothered or hurt them, did they walk away and give themselves some personal space?  If their shoes made their feet hurt today, how can they make it better tomorrow?  

Some thorns take more than a single day to overcome.  Soem take weeks or even the whole summer.  Some challenges are just too hard at this age.  Arguably these are the thorns that lead to the biggest growth experiences.  Not getting along with another camper perhaps, or feeling incapable of doing something the other kids are doing...  These bigger challenges are the things staff are here to help you and your camper work through.  We try to let kids sort out their smaller thorns on their own, and we gently guide or push the kids on the things they may really need a little extra help with.  One thing we do not do is pander or enable- We offer help and encourage campers to figure out their own best solutions.  

Question 3 - What is your bud?
Your bud is the thing you look forward to or want to do more of next time.  
Even if your child isn't coming back to camp next week, we want to encourage them to think about the things that really got them excited and engaged.  These are the things you should pay closest attention to also.  At home, these are the things every parent needs to hear, and be comfortable with.  If playing with snakes and turtles and frogs isn't your thing, or if you're not the kind of person who is comfortable watching your kid swing from trees and play "parkour" on a pile of unstable rocks in the middle of a stream, what can you do to keep providing them with the space and experiences that drive and ignite them?  These things may seem like play to you and me, but they are the things that ignite your child's curiosity and motivation to learn, grow, and develop over a lifetime.  


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